by Julie T. Steck, Ph.D., HSPP
It is always tempting to characterize the younger generation as so different from what we knew, grew up with, or understood in the past. As adults we want to complain that the influences that our children experience are different from what we experienced. Yet, I am not sure that children and adolescents are that different or that the impact of societal changes are unique to today’s world. Yes, there is much more information available to you. Yes, they are more able to communicate with each other and avoid adult supervision. However, the goals of children and adolescents are no different than they were “back in the day.”
Elementary school children want to be “in the know.” They don’t really want to experience what their older siblings or friends do – they just want to be included. Early adolescents want to “talk the talk.” They want to be able to have enough knowledge to act like they know what older adolescents are talking about and flirt with the issues of older adolescents. Older adolescents want to act like adults but don’t want the responsibilities of adulthood. They want to “reach out and touch” but not really make the commitments of adults.
It has always been important that adults, especially parents, know how to stay ahead of the children in their care. But that is hard. Our job is to try to impose limits and set boundaries. Their job is to push those limits and find ways around boundaries. The digital age has posed a whole new set of challenges for adults. We did not grow up in the digital age. It was one thing to learn how to install a second phone line and monitor the use of two lines. It is another thing to know when to allow a child to have a cell phone, how to monitor its use, and how to impose restrictions on internet use.
So here are a few common sense guidelines, as well as some research-based resources:
- Talk less and listen more. Try not to talk too much or lecture about what children/adolescents should or should not do. Listen to try to understand what they are doing.
- Stay ahead of your child/adolescent. Impose restrictions and/or monitoring before you think you need to.
- Don’t reassure yourself that your child/adolescent would “never do that.” Even the most reliable children/adolescents can make poor decisions.
- Experiment with technology so that you are not afraid of Being able to monitor technology and Internet usage requires some comfort with technology.
- Embrace the digital age in positive ways. If you are critical of the digital age and avoid it, your children know that they are in control in that domain. Remember how much more information you have access to due to technology – you are able to track your child’s grades and missing assignments, monitor their whereabouts through GPS, and find out what all those terms they use mean.
- Model and embrace face-to-face social interactions and promote these activities. Those who do not enjoy or know how to interact in face-to-face interactions are more likely to have online relationships.
There are a number of valuable resources available to parents to assist them with monitoring and better understanding their child or adolescent’s internet usage. Here are just a few:
- http://www.internetsafety101.org/Internetsafetytools.htm
- https://www.fbi.gov/stats-services/publications/parent-guide
- http://www.safekids.com/guidelines-for-parents/
- http://childdevelopmentinfo.com/family-living/kids-media-safety/children-teens-web-internet-safety/
While it seems difficult to achieve, children/adolescents should never know more about Internet use than their parents. This means that parents need to be diligent about learning more about their child/adolescent’s world and how to keep up in the digital era.
